Over the past 20 years, I’ve lived in 3 continents, 6 countries, 9 cities, and 16 homes. As of last month, I’m in a house in the Netherlands my husband and I bought, in a country and city that was thoughtfully and intentionally chosen as a place to put some roots (yes, there was a spreadsheet) - for the first time in well, ever. While we’ve had some amazing experiences and adventures, we started growing tired of the frequent relocations and felt that we owed it to our two kids to stay still for a good little while. 

Moving into our new house has led to a lot of self-reflection. In many ways, this marks the end of an era. Somehow this end caught me by surprise. I'm surprised that we decided to be still and it feels good. I'm surprised that I'm excited, not terrified, that I don't know what I'll be doing in five years but I know where I'll be. I'm surprised that I'm confident enough in myself to trust that I'll be able to figure it out. Mostly, I'm surprised that while there were so many years I felt lost and confused, I now realize there was no other way it could have gone.

Whether you’re moving far to a new city soon or sometimes dream of a different life somewhere else, I’ll share some of the learnings I’ve gained along the way. Living in new places is amazing; it also has its own set of challenges. In international communities, I have what is known as passport privilege. I'm very lucky. I hold two passports that make travel and visa processes easier in most of the world. I won't downplay or pretend that everyone could just up and move abroad. 

But, even if your move is within the same country, challenges exist. Hopefully, these learnings will help you go into your next move with your eyes wide open and enable you to give yourself some grace when things feel hard. Even with all the challenges, it’s 100% worth doing.

Moving takes a lot of emotional and physical energy. And can take a good bit of money. Moving can be expensive. I will not add up how much I have spent over the years in fees, deposits, moving vans, etc. It would be depressing. This is not to mention the time I have spent purging our things, selling items, and packing up. My last three moves, with kids in tow, have felt like part-time jobs. 

Even when employers have paid for our moves, there are still costs. If you’re like me, every time you move into a new place you’ll work to make that space your own. This can be done on the cheaper side with secondhand furniture and free items (once you learn where to find them), but regardless it often adds up.  One of our rookie mistakes was holding on to electrical items (I’m looking at you stand mixer) in the US that I then had to buy transformers for or convert in the UK. Oops. 

Your family and friends from ‘home’ might not understand your decisions. That’s ok. Some of your friends and family might see it as a rejection or judgment of the life they’ve chosen. Others might just not be good at long-distance relationships and not keep in touch. You can still have meaningful relationships when you see them in person. Use your energy to make new friends and build community in new places. The friends worth hanging onto are the ones that love you, support you, and don’t judge you. Understand that there might be bits of grief in all of it. 

When I first started moving and lived in Italy, I could only send emails and have an occasional call from a phone booth with a calling card. Now, I’m able to use video chat to join special occasions, like a friends’ city hall wedding, that I would have otherwise completely missed. Is it the same as being there? No. But it’s amazing how it has allowed me to feel close while also being able to live the life I want.

It takes a year, minimum, to settle into a new place. And it takes effort. Give yourself at least twelve to eighteen months before you make any big decisions, like leaving because you hate it. Building a community takes time. Often, you need to find people who are in a place in their life where they are open to new friends. Find spaces where others who are also new meet or situations where people might be open to new kinds of friendships. 

For example, if you have a hobby or there is something new you like to try, join a class or a club. I’m a recreational runner and have had success in joining local running clubs. I’m shy to meet new people, and this club got me out of the house and helped me make friends. If you’re a digital nomad, look for coffee shops or co-working spaces that attract remote workers. Challenge yourself to say hi to people and take the initiative.

No place is perfect. Every place has trade-offs and moving won’t solve your problems. If you're looking for life clarity or peace, you won't get this from a move or a single place. But you can find it through the self-reflection and awareness that comes through exploring, living in new cultures, and challenging yourself. Moving around is great for all that.  The clearer you can be about what you are looking for in a place, the more likely you are to make a decision you are happy with. Even then, you might not get it right and that's ok.